Love and the Millennial

You are the first example of what loving you looks like, the way you love you is the way the world is gonna love you. If you want to create a better life, design a better conversation. If you wanna design a better conversation, think about a thought-not of them but about you. –Lisa Nichols

We’ve gained so much as a generation, us millennials. We remember car and bag phones, when pagers were called beepers and watched Macintosh make the evolution to Apple. When AT&T was Cellular One and the only game phones could handle was snake. We lack though in one area (Disclaimer-this is IMO)...love. We’re so afraid to love, and be loved. You may read this and go “nah, not me I love my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend” or you may read it and say, “ain’t nobody got time for that.” Either way, that may be your truth, but as a generation, we’ve gotten good at pretending. I’m a lover of love, I was equally suckered by Love Jones and The Notebook, Titanic not so much; but you catch my drift.

I mean those loves where you’re as lost as you are free, where you aren’t afraid to say that should that person walk away, you’ll have nothing - and here’s where my generation loses; I said nothing and your first thought was of something purchased. Nah kid, nothing. Your soul will feel unmatched, your core torn, THAT sort of nothing. Still lost as to the phrase? Open your preferred music streaming app, go to the search bar and type “I Have Nothing Whitney Houston”. If she doesn’t tickle your fancy try “Lenny Williams Cause I Love You”. Yes they are both songs you will immediately recognize, but did you listen to what they sung? Like listen Linda listen, style listen. Where and why has that love gone? Forgive me, but I don’t want to be in a world where I can’t go all in with whom I chose to love. Love now seems to be predicated on what they’ve accomplished, what you haven’t accomplished, how old you all are, or the worse reason - “they’re gonna play me.” Someone that is going to play you will be giving you red flags all the way up to the play. We ignore them, I say we because I’ve ignored the hell out of red flags, yellow flags, all the flags. I was blind as bat swearing it wouldn’t be.

Some of these were toxic, others of them not so much. Regardless, we've become a generation which places emphasis on how many likes on Instagram or reactions on Facebook we can gather than obtaining self like and positive reactions in real life. We have trouble differentiating between privacy and secrecy. We want everyone to know we went to the Bahamas, but not with whom we went to the Bahamas. If you're lucky enough to have parents (or grandparents) who are still married, somehow they learned to function without photo validation cataloged via Snapchat. They took photos together, in matching sweatsuits and sunglasses, and they were proud of one another and to be WITH one another. Yea Barbara may have had to call Shirley, but once she made that phone call - that was that. The man was afraid to lose his woman, and that is something else we don't or won't admit to. We don't want to love to the point of fear of losing. To love that way, we have to know ourselves. Taking the time to find yourself and know yourself means allowing your cup to run over with enough self-love that it will flow effortlessly into the cup of another. If they are the person for you, it will flow. Do not mix up a natural flow with the belief that each day will be easy, it won't be. Naturally, there will be times that your portions of your personalities clash, and that is okay - what comes from that is growth for the both of you. As long as neither of you is forcing the interactions and trying to make it flow, it will.

One thing for certain and two things are for sure, be true to yourself and who you are. Secondly, follow your gut. When you get the feeling in the pit of your stomach, do not ignore that - we were given those adrenal glands right there for a reason! Thirdly, do not be afraid to try. Yes you have to see the flags and listen to your intuition. Rationalize, but do not make excuses. Bad behavior is bad behavior...if all else fails, ask yourself would you be concerned if you had children with this person - AND their village. Asked myself that once, next time I saw him I broke up with him immediately. Follow your heart and your happiness, just know that sometimes that means you will have to work for it.

TL;DR - There's no where to hide when Cupid has his arrow pointed at you. Be proud of yourself so that when he shoots, you're able to be proud of your significant other as well.

#love #relationships #growingup #hope