Daddy's Lessons

This morning, I realized how lucky I am. Blessed would be my word of choice. As I’m driving to work, I pull out of my boyfriend’s apartment complex and …I’m lying. Even before this morning I knew the blessing God had put into my life. I hardly, if ever, complete a task I’ve started. Short of something such as washing clothes or dishes, it’s not getting done. I started graduate school in the Fall of 2016, I haven’t been back since. I owe a balance which is the greater reason why, but it’s something that had a really buckled down and got to it, could have paid off and been typing a paper for class but here I am writing for leisure. All things happen for a reason, sometimes yes, the reason is we don’t follow through or we don’t push ourselves or you just plain ol’ made the wrong choice. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t happen. Other times though, I really believe God closes a door on us. Not for it to be closed forever, but just until he knows we are going to receive the blessing appreciatively.

I met my boyfriend in March 2017. Had I met him at any moment prior to that, and not been in a relationship (which at the time of our meeting I was), I would not have appreciated him the way I do. His mood swings would have turned me right around from wanting to pursue anything with him; that he travels out of town often for work would have been a deal breaker, and I would have tried to one up each and every one of his travels with my own world and life experiences. More importantly, I would not have recognized his hurt, his anger, and his love. My father was an amazing man. He had his pitfalls but, he was still the leader, provider, and man that is a man’s man. He held the family down and his loyalty was unwavering.

He taught me things – and this section is not about my father however, my father’s lessons are the ones that once I laid eyes on my now boyfriend; I recalled vividly. I have exes, plenty of them lol. When I talk about my exes there are only two who I learned something extremely valuable from. That isn’t to say there wasn’t something learned from all the others because there certainly was, and I want to take this moment to apologize to them all because, I never loved any of them even when I said I did. Not love in the way that when we would break up I could tell they loved me because I would be breaking up in a hurry to get ready for the date I had in few hours. I wasn’t always the thoughtful and caring woman you see today, I was once a man-eating heartbreaker, and there is no embellishment on that.

Again, I will make the disclaimer that it should not be said that I had NO love for those young men because I did, and the time spent was fun as hell. But they never knew me, they knew me on a surface level, and I kept them there but in such a way that made them truly believe we had this unbreakable bond. In actuality, I was always flirting with someone else, waiting for it to stop being fun or sabotaging it if I felt it getting to serious. I said my dad taught me things, he did. One of them was to never be a sucker, and that he always would have my back and the only man I would ever need was him, (literally told me this at a wedding with a straight face at 12. I haven’t gotten up to catch a bouquet at a wedding since…I’m 29). So, the idea of a man being out there who was truly for me, who would protect, provide, lead – was foreign; in my mind, the only man who really could do that was my father. Then I met my boyfriend, and the fortress my dad and I spent years building, suddenly seemed pregnable. The moats, the gates, the firing squad up top all seemed to be at ease. Even my mom was seen nodding her head in approval before he had even made it squarely up to the doors. While there are growing pains and hurdles to overcome, if the both of you are willing to share the deep belly laughs after the ugly cries - do it.

#relationships #love #parents #daughters #fathers #dad